Posted by Anonymous on 2017/10/04 under Life I don't know when is too soon to say I love you. I just broke up with someone and somehow, even if it was short lived, I feel responsible to not boast about my blessing that is you. Because I thought i lost you forever, and I had reconciled that fact many times over. That your coming back, and our feelings rising like they were an ancient spirit called to life, was a plot twist in the story called my life. I wasn't expecting it, I was caught off guard, and while we come with a past that we have shared, with all its bumps, there were a ton of things that weren't real that I had gathered then. Now, with you back in my life, all that has also been lifted like sediments rising and blurring clear water. I am calling on bulls*** on the daily. Who is he? Why do I feel this intensely? Is it me simply responding to how he feels about me or am I genuinely feelings this way. And I know the truth, because if it wasn't genuine, it would have come and gone already. And I am not the type to stick around for something that doesn't feel true or real to me. All the stuff happened in the past has been reintroduced to me, how I seemed, what I had done, and I have been sorting through it, I want the water to be clear once again. Think in some part, I don't want to be the reason of your misery. I don't think, as a lover, I can handle that. While at the same time, I am worried if I give in to you and to these powerful feels, I am going to lose my footing of my current reality which I can't do that because we are in position that's currently in its own orbit, we have unfinished business and our current life situations we are dealing with. It's hard to switch back and forth sometimes, I can and I feel too obsessive about you. And I wonder if I am too much or I demand too much of your time, I don't want to feel overbearing or make you feel like you can't have your freedom. I know that in the past I had mentioned something, but it's not true, I think looking back, maybe, I was trying to get a rise out of you to see if it was real. Because I was confused. And I was struggling between whether if you were real or not. That someone wasn't just simply f***ing with me because that's been done before. Now I am certain of who you are. That's a comfort. And I can see the future, which is quite nice. I wonder if you think that I'd be the one to judge you, criticize you or demand that you change to fit my idea of you, because I am not. And I know that you didn't come back to hurt me even after what we went through, and you have shown me your gentle soul many times. I have no doubt. I just can't lose my footing right now. And I understand that I can be overly dramatic when I come to certain crossroads, such as what I read and what I hear and what I think to be right. I have fear of being the source of your pain and suffering and I can't stand that. Exposing this weakness of mine can be taken advantage of by those who don't like me. It has been said and done before in the past. With that though, I am alright, because I feel that these experiences bring us closer and what stays true will remain no matter what adversities it may have to face, right?